Though she already shares three children with husband Bobby Kootstra, Katherine Ryan admits she would love to welcome a fourth child into her family. But time isn’t on her side.
Katherine Ryan is all set to expand her brood with hubby Bobby Kootstra, despite being aware that the clock is ticking.
The former Celebrity Gogglebox star gets candid about everything from sex and feminism to fertility and motherhood in the latest instalment of her popular U&W show, At Home With Katherine Ryan.
Following a hit first season that saw Katherine Ryan juggling her career and family life, the new episodes delve into her dynamic with Bobby, including taking him along for couple’s therapy.
But it’s not just relationship insights on the menu – the Masked Singer sensation also explores the possibility of baby number four at a fertility clinic. Both at 41, Katherine and Bobby Kootstra are conscious of the challenges they face in conceiving.
“It’s not that surprising that over-40 women have fewer follicles than we once did,” Katherine admits. “But we talk a lot about male fertility as well, which is on a steep decline. But I would still like a fourth baby. We are so blessed to have the kids that we do have. Having children is not for everyone, but I personally really like making people. I think it’s a superpower, if you can do it.”
While Katherine is never short of words, Bobby tends to keep quiet, something their marriage coach noticed during a session where Katherine was taken aback to realise she often cuts off her husband. “At first I thought, ‘That’s nonsense, he just doesn’t speak that much,’” Katherine reflects. “But it’s true… I was interrupting him.”
Not every hubby would be open to marriage therapy, particularly when it’s filmed for TV, but Katherine found Bobby to be “very amenable.”
She explains: “You have to say ‘coaching’ or boys get scared. I never saw myself as someone who’d get married. It wasn’t an aspiration of mine for a lot of my life, and all of a sudden I reconnected with Bobby and we got married straight away.”
Their first five years of wedded bliss have been quite eventful. They’ve welcomed two babies, experienced three miscarriages, weathered a pandemic and, for Katherine, embarked on two national tours.
On top of that, Bobby relocated from Canada to the UK, became a stepdad to Katherine’s 15 year old daughter Violet, and left his career, family and friends behind to become a stay-at-home dad. “It’s been a busy five years and it’s really important to check in before there are any problems,” shares Katherine, who candidly admits she’s also using her life experiences for comedic material.
“My job in stand-up is to hold a mirror up to my audience, and hopefully they think I’m funny because they see themselves in my experiences,” Katherine adds.
Katherine and Bobby first dated when she was 15, before rekindling their romance in 2018 when she returned to Canada to film a BBC show.
In the second series of At Home With Katherine Ryan, it’s not just their marriage that gets a check-up – Katherine also takes Bobby to see an intimacy coach about their sex life, which is being stymied by having a teenager and two toddlers at home.
It’s not just the frequency that Kamasutra expert Seema Anand is disappointed with, it’s also the lack of variety. So how often do they have sex? “Katherine reveals, “About five times a month,” when asked about their intimacy.
“The national average is three. It’s not that we don’t want to, but we have a lot of policing in the house. Violet is in school, sure, but then the babies are there! It’s like when we were teenagers, because we used to hide from our parents and have to get creative. Now we have to hide from a teenager and get creative.”
On the show, they’re encouraged to experiment with suggestions like listening to erotic audio together, but Katherine isn’t impressed and is candid about preferring a more straightforward approach to sex.
“Absolutely I’m still vanilla in the bedroom,” she admits. “I have no interest in games or props or toys or audio erotica. We had no idea how prudish we actually were about sex until we invited the intimacy coach into our lives.”
For Katherine, it’s the thrill of sneaking around that adds excitement to their encounters, along with her affection for the missionary position. She contemplates, “Maybe the brevity and danger of the way we have to have sex is enough.”
Katherine Ryan has opened up about the relatable bedroom dilemmas facing many in Britain, saying: “I think a lot of the British viewing public are navigating the same issues. They probably want to have sex but maybe they’ve just eaten or they can’t be bothered or they’re too tired and they’re just not as willing to talk about it as much as we are! ” While she doesn’t see her relationship with Bobby Kootstra as troubled, Katherine has pinpointed what she believes is a “poisonous toxin” in relationships: under-appreciation. She elaborates, “People will argue about finances or sleep,” but warns that “under-appreciation is a real bad one, and that leads to a lack of respect and that’s the beginning of the end.”
The comedian stresses the importance of valuing each other’s contributions, saying, “Bobby and I have different strengths and different skills and we have different roles in our house but it’s really important to make sure your spouse feels appreciated.”
Reflecting on her personal growth, Katherine recalls her younger years striving for independence while also wanting to appeal to men: “Growing up in the 1990s and early 2000s, Katherine spent a lot of time trying to be independent but sexy.”
Now, her feminist views have evolved, focusing on self-expression rather than male approval. She admits, “As a young woman, I wanted to be pretty, I wanted to subscribe to the male gaze,” detailing her past desires to conform to certain beauty standards and be universally liked.
Katherine explains, “Not only did I want to be pretty, I wanted to be sexy, I wanted to get breast implants, I wanted to work at Hooters, I wanted to be nice, I wanted to be a cheerleader… I wanted to be well-liked because the message from the girlband generation was that you would have the happiest life if you ticked those boxes.”
Katherine has had a revelation about beauty and motherhood, realising that there’s so much more to life than looks. “Then, as an older woman and as a mother, I realised that beauty is a depreciating asset and that there are far more admirable qualities that a woman can have in her very rich and varied life.”
In her latest TV series, viewers will get a glimpse of Katherine’s dual fashion personas – the homely and the glamorous. “I have one of two looks,” she says.
“I either look super sparkly and glam or I look like an elderly rapper in some type of luxury tracksuit with no makeup on. I actually love having no makeup on.”
Fashion and comedy are both playgrounds for her daring spirit. “I dress for myself and for women, and I take risks in stand-up, just like I take risks in fashion. I love doing that. It’s part of self-expression.”
While Katherine might not be as preoccupied with her appearance these days, she hasn’t ruled out cosmetic enhancements in the future. She even surprised her 64 year old mum Julie with a facelift.
“It could be received as a slam,” she admits when discussing the potential pitfalls of such a personal gift. “But again, our family is so transparent, we know a lot about each other and what each other wants. It’s lonely to look in the mirror and no longer recognise yourself. And I just knew my mom would like a facelift.”
The results have left Katherine considering the procedure for herself someday, although her partner Bobby has reservations. “Rightly, Bobby views any surgery as an unnecessary, very small, risk to your life,” Katherine reveals.
“Bobby has always loved me for who I am. We were together pre-Botox, pre-fame, pre-breast implants. He doesn’t love surgery, but if it’s something I really wanted, if it made me happy, he’d support me. Through gritted teeth.”